Author Archives: Alexandria Merritt

3 Reasons To Date A Man With Potential

In an effort to prove we are down for the men in our lives, aren’t a gold digger and money isn’t everything. Strangers and well meaning family are quick to suggest that “nobody is perfect” or tell a woman her standards may be too high.  God forbid she doesn’t want to struggle with a mate.  Combine that with the statistics that would have you believe the last good man on Earth just got married and you can see why a man with Potential could be attractive. Many Powerhouse women find themselves dating men who are a recipe for heartbreak but the signs are overlooked because he has the P word…potential. It sounds good on the surface but all potential is not created equal and I want you keep these 3 things in mind the next time you are thinking about giving your time and heart to a man because he…Continue Reading

I DON’T NEED A MAN – Issa Lie!

It seems like the new vogue thing to proclaim is “I don’t NEED a Man”.  Many Powerhouse women constantly express this statement like it’s a revelation, while simultaneously planning a cross-country relocation to the unknown city where there are better men. Countless women come to me saying Love Engineer, please help, where are the good men?   I have certainly helped, and they have weddings, engagements, lots of fun dates and love stories to show for it.  Yet, all of them were women who insisted initially that “they didn’t NEED a man”.  Then wondered out loud why, “I can’t find a man”, or had the audacity to suggest that there were no good men in (insert any city on the globe), or all the men are married, taken, gay or (insert latest negative masculine trait). They were absolutely convinced that those were the reasons that a good man could not be…Continue Reading

The Royal FairyTale

A Real Life Princess the Royal wedding was all sorts of magical. Ever since I was a little girl I have LOVED weddings and wedding cake. My invitation to the wedding of the year, was clearly lost in the mail and I have spent the week inquiring about it hence the delay in the blog. Even though I had to forego my royal cake tasting, honey let me tell you what made up for that – the Kingdom Choir. With all of that vocal sweetness wrapped up in every curl pattern known to the Diaspora, I knew it was going to be something special. Then they had the nerve to have all those layers of sizes and shapes, various hues of brown, from butter pecan to triple chocolate all drizzled with black excellence, with a cellist on top. #CelloBae was nothing short of AH-MAZING! Yet for all of the hype…Continue Reading

Why Good Girls Finish LAST

By now you have seen the 8 carats, and the footage of Offset proposing to the love of his life Cardi B, who by the way is having an EPIC year. But I digress when I heard her beau proposed on stage in front of a sold out audience I felt the collective gasp of “good girls” around the globe. Wondering how does an ex stripper, foul mouthed, high achieving woman like Cardi B end up engaged before me? You know good girls have spent their whole life doing everything “right”. Went to school, got the good grades, held on to her virginity (in some cases are still holding on to it), attended Sunday School, Bible study and is probably getting ready for choir rehearsal as this is being written. Pastors suggested she wait on God meanwhile provided little to no instruction on how she would know when “God showed…Continue Reading

She Is A Nasty Girl

She Is A Nasty Girl

If you’ve been watching the debates you likely heard Donald Trump utter this phrase before. But women are often unfairly labeled and it tends to affect how much we get to enjoy ourselves.   We live in a world where women are socialized not to embrace their sexuality but to pretend it hardly exists. The reason? An innate fear of being labeled “nasty”. Men, on the other hand, are encouraged to embrace and act upon their desires while simultaneously dismissing women who do the same.   I’m convinced that boys and girls if left to their own developmental devices, would arrive with the same sexual confidence and comfort. Instead, every little girl that was called “fast” has been programmed to believe her natural sexual urges are bad, effectively stifling her ability to embrace love, sex, and relationships later. But whether you’re a virgin or a vixen there are 5 ways…Continue Reading

You Are More Powerful Than You Know

You Are More Powerful Than You Know

  “Patriarchy isn’t my problem, Alex, women have always had the power!” My colleague insisted as we strolled into the leadership team meeting. I was kind of thinking out loud about how men need to get their acts together in the dating world (my dating world to be exact, as my colleague had been married for decades).  But his statement made me pause because though I was the youngest woman on the senior leadership team, though I was responsible for millions of dollars in assets and the profit structure of a powerful organization – when it came to dating I often felt powerless. How could I not? So much of the dating scene is about:   Waiting to be chosen… Then waiting on chooser to call and ask you out… While the chosen is trying not to seem too eager and risk scaring off the chooser… And as soon as…Continue Reading

This One Time, At Sundress Camp

This One Time, At Sundress Camp

Guest blogger Cali B. recaps When The Twin Cities Talk Love. This was the first time D&D added vendors to the agenda. What an upgrade, and such a cool way to pour back into the local economy for small business owners! I love how the host, Alex Merritt, warms up the crowd to let everyone know the event is about truth, respect, and individual experience. “There are no rights or wrongs,” she said, “just honest answers.” The first question to kick everything off was, “If love were a dessert, what you be and why?” One of my favorite responses was, “Chocolate because it’s bittersweet and complicated.” SAY THAT! Love has so many twists, turns,and options – yet its sweet and good for ya! We swiftly moved on to something as deep as politics to men of today. It stops traffic and causes some to restructure entire agendas. Good ole ‘Sundress…Continue Reading

Dear Mama: An Open Letter to Mothers of Powerhouse Women

Dear Mama: An Open Letter to Mothers of Powerhouse Women

  Dear Mama, I know the fear of raising a daughter in a world where men can very easily run them down, defer their dreams and take over their lives must feel intimidating. I know that the most valuable weapon you can give your daughter to fight back against these deterrents is a strong, independent mindset. I know that it’s important for women, especially Black women, to get an education and stay focused on their dreams and goals. I know all of this. I also know that when Black women reach that pinnacle of success – that point of pride we all aspire to – and still remain unmarried our accomplishments are pushed aside. All people see is a single woman (who must be miserable). Our mothers look at us and ask… Why aren’t you married? When you have a leadership role at a Fortune 500 company, the dream house,…Continue Reading

Dating For Potential: The How-To Guide

Dating For Potential: The How-To Guide

Dating For Potential is Awesome. And Terrible. Does that sound a little contradictory? Of course it does. Men and women both gravitate towards partners with gleaming potential. But oftentimes that potential is never actualized. Dreams sometimes get deferred and promises can easily be broken which leads to disappointment. But shouldn’t you be willing to hold each other down and build? There’s nothing wrong with supporting someone you love while they finish their degree (even if it’s the 2nd or 3rd attempt) or holding down the fort while they get their business off the ground. There are plenty of beautiful love stories that began with one partner supporting the other, and possibly even switching places as they help each other climb the ladder of success. On the other hand, supporting someone while they work on their glo-up can result in resentment and…ya know, lead to furniture being set ablaze. The stuff…Continue Reading

Every Man Wants Ayesha Curry – Why That’s OK and How to Build a Winning Team

Every Man Wants Ayesha Curry – Why That’s OK and How to Build a Winning Team

You can bet when Golden State Warriors point guard Steph Curry is playing on a court, his doting wife Ayesha is near by cheering him on. If you’re like me seeing this fills your heart with joy (and hope)! In the very least our relationship goals should include being each other’s #1 fan – but what are you bringing to the game to warrant such an awesome partner?… After Steph’s latest win, a lot of fellas took to Twitter proclaiming that every man should get himself an “Ayesha Curry”. I smiled because buried within those 140 characters, is the truth about what men want. Men desire a woman who is there to cheer them on as they play the game of life. There isn’t a man alive who doesn’t have his heart set on making a woman proud – be it his woman, his mother or his daughter. Cheering your…Continue Reading

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