Is Past Heartbreak Holding You Back? 4 Lessons In Moving On

Is Past Heartbreak Holding You Back? 4 Lessons In Moving On

      You may not even notice it, but after a while, we get a little jaded. We put faith in someone, it feels right, it looks right, it lasts for a time, and then – almost out of nowhere – it begins to fade. Or it implodes or it breaks somehow. Then we pick ourselves back up and eventually find someone new, only to experience the same cycle again. By the time we reach our 30’s, most of us have experienced the build up and break down of love more than once and at some point we begin to anticipate it. But just because you’ve been through it before, and may go through it again doesn’t mean the person sitting in front of you can’t be seen through fresh eyes. Before you throw away the idea of love entirely, it’s important to heal. Everyone Is Dealing With Something…Continue Reading

She Is A Nasty Girl

She Is A Nasty Girl

If you’ve been watching the debates you likely heard Donald Trump utter this phrase before. But women are often unfairly labeled and it tends to affect how much we get to enjoy ourselves.   We live in a world where women are socialized not to embrace their sexuality but to pretend it hardly exists. The reason? An innate fear of being labeled “nasty”. Men, on the other hand, are encouraged to embrace and act upon their desires while simultaneously dismissing women who do the same.   I’m convinced that boys and girls if left to their own developmental devices, would arrive with the same sexual confidence and comfort. Instead, every little girl that was called “fast” has been programmed to believe her natural sexual urges are bad, effectively stifling her ability to embrace love, sex, and relationships later. But whether you’re a virgin or a vixen there are 5 ways…Continue Reading

You Are More Powerful Than You Know

You Are More Powerful Than You Know

  “Patriarchy isn’t my problem, Alex, women have always had the power!” My colleague insisted as we strolled into the leadership team meeting. I was kind of thinking out loud about how men need to get their acts together in the dating world (my dating world to be exact, as my colleague had been married for decades).  But his statement made me pause because though I was the youngest woman on the senior leadership team, though I was responsible for millions of dollars in assets and the profit structure of a powerful organization – when it came to dating I often felt powerless. How could I not? So much of the dating scene is about:   Waiting to be chosen… Then waiting on chooser to call and ask you out… While the chosen is trying not to seem too eager and risk scaring off the chooser… And as soon as…Continue Reading

This One Time, At Sundress Camp

This One Time, At Sundress Camp

Guest blogger Cali B. recaps When The Twin Cities Talk Love. This was the first time D&D added vendors to the agenda. What an upgrade, and such a cool way to pour back into the local economy for small business owners! I love how the host, Alex Merritt, warms up the crowd to let everyone know the event is about truth, respect, and individual experience. “There are no rights or wrongs,” she said, “just honest answers.” The first question to kick everything off was, “If love were a dessert, what you be and why?” One of my favorite responses was, “Chocolate because it’s bittersweet and complicated.” SAY THAT! Love has so many twists, turns,and options – yet its sweet and good for ya! We swiftly moved on to something as deep as politics to men of today. It stops traffic and causes some to restructure entire agendas. Good ole ‘Sundress…Continue Reading

Dear Mama: An Open Letter to Mothers of Powerhouse Women

Dear Mama: An Open Letter to Mothers of Powerhouse Women

  Dear Mama, I know the fear of raising a daughter in a world where men can very easily run them down, defer their dreams and take over their lives must feel intimidating. I know that the most valuable weapon you can give your daughter to fight back against these deterrents is a strong, independent mindset. I know that it’s important for women, especially Black women, to get an education and stay focused on their dreams and goals. I know all of this. I also know that when Black women reach that pinnacle of success – that point of pride we all aspire to – and still remain unmarried our accomplishments are pushed aside. All people see is a single woman (who must be miserable). Our mothers look at us and ask… Why aren’t you married? When you have a leadership role at a Fortune 500 company, the dream house,…Continue Reading

Dating For Potential: The How-To Guide

Dating For Potential: The How-To Guide

Dating For Potential is Awesome. And Terrible. Does that sound a little contradictory? Of course it does. Men and women both gravitate towards partners with gleaming potential. But oftentimes that potential is never actualized. Dreams sometimes get deferred and promises can easily be broken which leads to disappointment. But shouldn’t you be willing to hold each other down and build? There’s nothing wrong with supporting someone you love while they finish their degree (even if it’s the 2nd or 3rd attempt) or holding down the fort while they get their business off the ground. There are plenty of beautiful love stories that began with one partner supporting the other, and possibly even switching places as they help each other climb the ladder of success. On the other hand, supporting someone while they work on their glo-up can result in resentment and…ya know, lead to furniture being set ablaze. The stuff…Continue Reading

Every Man Wants Ayesha Curry – Why That’s OK and How to Build a Winning Team

Every Man Wants Ayesha Curry – Why That’s OK and How to Build a Winning Team

You can bet when Golden State Warriors point guard Steph Curry is playing on a court, his doting wife Ayesha is near by cheering him on. If you’re like me seeing this fills your heart with joy (and hope)! In the very least our relationship goals should include being each other’s #1 fan – but what are you bringing to the game to warrant such an awesome partner?… After Steph’s latest win, a lot of fellas took to Twitter proclaiming that every man should get himself an “Ayesha Curry”. I smiled because buried within those 140 characters, is the truth about what men want. Men desire a woman who is there to cheer them on as they play the game of life. There isn’t a man alive who doesn’t have his heart set on making a woman proud – be it his woman, his mother or his daughter. Cheering your…Continue Reading

Dessert & Discussion | A Love Story

Dessert & Discussion | A Love Story

  As I get ready to head back to Cali for “The War Love Tour” presented by Dessert & Discussion I can’t help but be a little nostalgic – Sacramento, California is where it all began. In honor of this beautiful milestone, I’m taking to my blog to answer some of the most commonly asked questions I get about Dessert & Discussion. About it’s inception, it’s growth and it’s meaning. How Dessert & Discussion Started… Before there was Netflix & Chill – I was on that BlockBuster by yo’sef entertainment plan. The Diary of a Tired Black Man inspired the first discussion. If you haven’t seen it, it’s about a dude who was pissed off about his dating predicaments. Relationship woes from a man’s perspective – only in California. Despite the melodramatics, I spotted a pattern. I clutched my proverbial pearls as I wondered if the women who were destroying…Continue Reading

What If I Don’t Want Lemonade?

So I get it. I really do get it… Take the crap that love and life throws at you and make something out of it. Be triumphant, be resilient, stay moving forward. I’m all for serving up the lemonade. What we don’t talk about is … where exactly do you get the sugar and water? My heart hurt watching the artistic brilliance of Beyonce’s latest project Lemonade. This came off the heels of speaking to a group of teen moms. Here were these young women who were determined to make the most out of their lemons. They were visibly disappointed  in the boys who had simply left babies to raise babies but digging deep within to maintain their flyness in the midst of the pain. These young girls had been given a whole lot of lemons – way too soon… Listening to Lemonade I was reminded that women tend to…Continue Reading

How to Turn a Whore Into a Housewife

Bad girls ain’t no good and the good girls ain’t no fun…. Whether it’s Amber Rose’s slut walk or Ayesha Curry’s slut-shaming for ages men have been at odds with both women.  Amber is the fun super freak that men dream about but also declare her unfit to take home to mother. Ayesha is “wifey material” but she’s also frigid and boring. This crazy double-standard is the Madonna-Whore complex in a nutshell. You see – men with this complex, desire a freak in the sheets and a nun in the streets and tend to also believe one is better than the other.   Basically the good girl can is the wife he ends up with and the fun girl is the shorty he rolls with for a while but eventually discards. We see it in movies, music and memes – and it’s the topic of heavy debate.   If you’re that woman who straddles…Continue Reading

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