Dessert & Discussion | A Love Story

Dessert & Discussion | A Love Story

dessert and discussion event


As I get ready to head back to Cali for “The War Love Tour” presented by Dessert & Discussion I can’t help but be a little nostalgic – Sacramento, California is where it all began. In honor of this beautiful milestone, I’m taking to my blog to answer some of the most commonly asked questions I get about Dessert & Discussion. About it’s inception, it’s growth and it’s meaning.

How Dessert & Discussion Started…

Before there was Netflix & Chill – I was on that BlockBuster by yo’sef entertainment plan. The Diary of a Tired Black Man inspired the first discussion. If you haven’t seen it, it’s about a dude who was pissed off about his dating predicaments. Relationship woes from a man’s perspective – only in California. Despite the melodramatics, I spotted a pattern. I clutched my proverbial pearls as I wondered if the women who were destroying this man’s dreams of love were any reflection of…me.

The wheels began to turn.

Why “Dessert” and Discussion?

What do you serve when you want people to gather at your house but you don’t want to be forced to cook a 5-course meal?  Dessert…  It’s that simple. The idea of serving sweets came out of this girl’s determination to skip the stovetop.

What Have I Learned?

Countless lessons and insights have been gained over the years, to the point where I am affectionately known as ‘The Love Engineer’.  When you talk to people about relationships you tend to learn a lot about how you (women) are perceived by them (men). I learned that some of my best intentions were actually the exact reason my dating life was only occasionally successful.  When it comes to love I was surprised to realize that men and women want the same things in relationships –  we just go about getting it in different ways. The big one though, which still surprises people, is contrary to popular belief men like to talk about love and relationships as much as women do!  Who would have thought?…

Come with an open mind, you will leave with a full heart. I promise. #WOLChar #WOLSac Click To Tweet

Black men at the War on Love Charlotte event.

Most Awkward Moment?

I try my best to be as prepared as possible when I host a D&D experience. But, just like in love and relationships, surprises are bound to happen and even the best preparation can’t always save you. One night the topic was “How Do You Know When You Are Dating?”.  As I was leading the discussion and exuding my signature brand of enlightened eloquence – a voice rose from the crowd.


“Soooo, Alex. Did we date”? (record scratch)


The whole room fell silent awaiting my response…


I mustered the wherewithal to respond, “No we did NOT”, and the discussion moved on. But I did learn an important lesson – be sure no one on the guest list is harboring embarrassing questions about your dating history.

The Big Picture

Take a quick look around. Now take a quick inventory of the Black relationships you know of personally. Our community has generally been miseducated about love and about relationships. Whether because our parents (and their parents) didn’t have the time or mind to build healthy relationships and teach us how to as well or because the relationships we saw were broken. There is a healing needed. I want to start conversations – a real conversations – about how Black men and Black women communicate, why we rise or fail and how to do better. I don’t just do this out of curiosity.

I do this for the people.

What To Expect?…

First, you’ll have an amazing time.

There’s something about men and women coming together to share their truth that’s kind of magical. The bar and the tasty treats don’t exactly hurt – but in the end it’s just an all around good time. Everyone is there for the same reason – to discover. To learn more about themselves, more about the opposite sex and more about how relationships work best now.

Come with an open mind, you will leave with a full heart. I promise.


Alex Merritt The Love Engineer

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