6 Do's and Don'ts For The First Date

According to the recent surveys, 27% of adults are using online dating as their main source of romantic socializing. Which means there are a lot of people out there who might be going on an awkward first date. Without the setting of a bar or a networking event to set the tone between you, a first date after an online encounter can feel a bit like jumping into the deep end without any lead up. Here are a few tips to help you get through that first date after it goes down in the DMs.

Do Be On Time

It’s more than just common courtesy to arrive on time, if not a few minutes early. It’s also a really quick way to set the right tone. Someone took time out of their day to get ready and spend time with you – the very least you can do is let them know the meeting was equally important to you. Arriving late? Send a warning text and offer to buy the first drink as an apology. Even if you were planning on paying (hey, fellas) let them know you aren’t ok with lateness either.

Don’t Be a Picky Eater

This one is mainly for the ladies, since we tend to downshift our appetites during first dates. If you have food preferences that pertain to your health or comfort, make suggestions for dining spots before the date is set. But picking at a meal that you ordered send the message that you’re hard to please and can’t make the best of things. Roll with it and focus on the main course – the person in front of you.

Do Use Your Manners

Remember to say “please” and “thank you”. Not just to your date, but to the wait staff, the uber driver, the people you interact with. If this isn’t already a part of your personality, you may notice people retract a bit from you in social scenarios. Being polite and inviting to those around you sets people at ease.

Don’t Grab The Check

These days, in the age of the independent self-made boss (be you a man or woman), picking up the check may or may not be a sensitive topic for people. Decide before the date if you’re going dutch, or splitting the bill so you can avoid the awkward check grab at the end of the night. If he wants to pay, let him. If she offers to go dutch, let her. Battle it out later, when the relationship is established.  

Do Ask Questions

The dating period is also the discovery period. This is when every silly, random and obvious questions can be asked under the guise of newness. Where are you from, what do your parents do, why did your last relationship end (a really sneaky way to find out what they’re looking for in a man or woman). Now is your chance to be a little invasive. Steer clear of questions that might trigger an argument (politics are a third date conversation) and pick up on queues that they don’t want to answer something. Keep it light and use your best listening skills.

Don’t Check Your Phone

Picking up your phone for emails, tweets and texts is fastest way to inspire someone to lock you into the friend zone. If the date is boring and not going as you imagined, you can still be kind enough to finish it without being rude or overly passive. If the date is going well, then whatever is happening on the interwebs can wait until after. Consider date nights a chance to unplug a little. Keep the phone on vibrate and put it away.

Why Good Girls Finish Last

By now you have seen the 8 carats, and the footage of Offset proposing to the love of his life Cardi B, who by the way is having an EPIC year. But I digress when I heard her beau proposed on stage in front of a sold out audience I felt the collective gasp of “good girls” around the globe. Wondering how does an ex stripper, foul mouthed, high achieving woman like Cardi B end up engaged before me? You know good girls have spent their whole life doing everything “right”. Went to school, got the good grades, held on to her virginity (in some cases are still holding on to it), attended Sunday School, Bible study and is probably getting ready for choir rehearsal as this is being written. Pastors suggested she wait on God meanwhile provided little to no instruction on how she would know when “God showed up”. Thinking these were all pre-requisites of worthiness “Good Girls” played her part yet are often left wondering how come the girls who didn’t appear to be winning.

Rest assured you don’t have to become a stripper to attract a great guy who is ready to marry you. But there are 3 things to take away from the Cardi B’s of the world that could help get you closer. This is probably not Sunday school approved but here it goes…

Do what you like! That’s it and that’s all. Drop all of these ideas of what you should be, have to be, need to be, in order to live an amazing life filled with whatever you desire. Many “Good girls” can tell you all the rules she mustn’t break, all the things a man must do to be good enough for her. Yet those are not things she necessarily desires but instead are a compilation of the traits and characteristics that have been handed down to her in the “Good Girl” guidebook. The women who are the most free, DO WHAT THEY DO because it’s right for them to DO IT. They don’t worry about what others think they should or should not do, their opinions of themselves, MATTER most.

Accept ALL of YOU! Everyone knows Cardi B used to be a stripper, had poor dental expression, and has a mouth that put sailors to shame. Some people like it, many others hate her, shame her and always have something to say about her. But guess what Cardi B loves all parts of her story and have spent zero time trying to change her past publicly, feel bad about who she is and takes all that is true for her and shares it. This is about self-acceptance the overarching narrative good girls walk around with is they must be perfect to be worthy of love. So they pretend, contort, keep silent and judge any and everything that’s outside of the rules of who she “can”be. Everyone has a story no matter what it is own it and love it and decide how you want to show up in this world and get to being YOU!

Embrace Your Sexuality – There is no topic so filled with embarrassment, shame, discomfort and so much more than sex and our sexuality. The Cardi B’s of the world are unapologetically willing to embrace and explore their sensual sides. Whether Virgin or Vixen, I am not suggesting you run out to plan to be promiscuous or that you should pursue chastity – I’m saying that many of the beliefs “Good girls” have around sex and sexuality are limiting and create other inhibitions that prevent her from dropping her guard and opening up to a partner on any level. Any shame, guilt or condemnation carried in this area will directly affect your relationships. Why because energetically you will give off a vibe that will push people away or suggest you aren’t open.

If a loving partner is what you want you can have it. Your private reaction to the news about Cardi B’s engagement can be a tell-tale sign, that what you have been led to believe about who is worthy of a ring or not, may not be all true. If you are a Powerhouse woman who is ready to open herself up to be able to attract the love you deserve and desire without losing yourself, then let’s chat about my Love Development program. It’s designed for women who are crushing it in their careers and community but feel like they are being crushed in dating and relationships. She knows all the right things to do and is able to achieve her goals, except the LOVE ones, this is where the Love Development Program can help. If you are ready for love, Let’s Chat Girl!!