Spoiler Alert - Read at Your Own Discretion LOVE
I was thrilled to go see Queen & Slim, but I didn’t know the story line. Yet, as I watched it, several moments throughout the film, I wanted to cry. Not because of the brilliant, sobering, yet tragic, reminder that BEING BLACK is a crime punishable by death in these United States; but because of the tragic love stories of each Black Woman in the film. Essence called “Queen & Slim” a Black Love Story we needed, and I couldn’t disagree more.
Queen (Jodie Turner-Smith) and Slim (Daniel Kaluuya) started their relationship with as much chemistry as oil and water. Like so many Powerhouse Women that I coach as The Love Engineer, Queen was a HORRIBLE DATE, yet not her fault. Queen undoubtedly made her family proud. She was a lawyer, she was smart, she didn’t have any babies and could take care of herself. Yet like many “good girls” and “smart girls”Queen had learned how to do everything except how to love and be loved! In fact growing up most girls like Queen were taught early that boys are bad, only want one thing and deserve her mean and mistrustful treatment.
Truth is, had this story not been a movie, this failed 1st date would have ended with Slim leaving her self-righteous, disrespectful and judgmental self at the table with his half of the bill and encouraged her to Uber home. He would have been labeled wrong. Guaranteed to become a brunch discussion, where Queen centered herself as the victim of yet another brotha intimidated by her brilliance. She would swear off swiping until the next lonely spell swept over her.
I have been Queen. I know what it is to sit across from a guy on a date hoping to make a good impression falling back on my resume to wow him and my pious presence to impress him. When it failed to, as it usually does I remind myself that I’m a Queen and he lost out. Queen was concerned about the cost of the date as it was her proxy to try and judge the character of the man. She was committed to sharing her courtroom calamity as the motivation for her interest in going out on a date with Slim, yet he only mustered up - WOW! Like many Powerhouse Women Queen didn’t realize that the only men impressed with degrees and accomplishments are hiring managers. After countless bad dates or no dates what smart women come to me to help them uncover is what is truly attractive to a man about a her as a woman. Though most women believe they already know what it is, yet they are often wrong. This is not about playing dumbing or small, who wouldn’t want a doctor, lawyer or engineer. Just like the hiring manager at the firm is not interested in your culinary capabilities, even though those skills are a HUGE bonus at the company potluck, once you are on the team. Same goes for dating and relationships with men. Truth is Queen’s dating, flirting, and relationship skills were underdeveloped like many Powerhouses who were raised on a steady diet of keep your mind on books not on boys.
Yet it was tragedy that bonded the two together loosely and as well as the other black relationships on display in the film. At some point on the run, Queen realized she had nothing to lose and trusted HERSELF. She finally opened up and let him see the carefree soul within. As she dropped her guard the beautiful woman that is behind every Powerhouse who pretends to not need a Man emerged. She shared her hurts, her pains, her truths and a crazy quirky side fearlessly. There are no risk-less relationships, the hiding behind the degrees for fear he can’t or won’t handle the depths of your love and your light leaves you without the thing you CRAVE most, connection. Unfortunately for Queen her love life would be short-lived. Yet many women “die” hoping yet hiding from LOVE, but you don’t have to. Yet Queen your next first date could be your forever date once you learn how to LOVE.
What’s the Worst First Date you have been on?
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