The Photograph - Picture Perfect The LOVE Engineer Review

This Valentine’s weekend was made more perfect by the release of a true LOVE STORY!! The hot and talented lovers  Issa Rae and LaKeith Stanfield gave Cupid that help he has desperately been needed to have people believe in LOVE again. It centers on a love story between two wrapped up by at least 2 other love stories that make the one LOVE possible. LaKeith Stanfield is Mike, a New York journalist working for The Republic, an online publication that give him the freedom, resources and support he needs to meander his way through stories until his writer’s soul is content. Issa Rae is Mae, a curator at the Queens Museum who’s still reeling from her mother’s death from cancer, unpacking her mother’s past which was signed sealed and discovered. It was in search of the story that the two would end up on their first date. After the awkwardness that first dates usually bring they talk music — not jazz, though I have to believe Dizzy Gillepsie and Theolonius Monk are somewhere beaming with pride that Robert Glasper infused jazz throughout this movie. Though no rap is found in the movie it was the discussion point that would ignite a friendly banter with a strong enough connection to make the relationship spark. He jams to Kendrick Lamar, she is a Drake fan and admits that it’s not Kendrick’s music she doesn’t like yet it’s the bar his lyrics set.

The Photograph was like a piece of dark chocolate on a Sunday afternoon. It was the exact opposite of the typical Love Story portrayed on the big screen for Black Women.  It was calm, not overly dramatic and didn’t set pain, struggle or the typical “fight for love” narrative as the standard for BLACK LOVE. It was not tragic, nor was it set up on a foundation of panic and fear of sudden loss. In this movie LOVE was a gift not a reward!

Mike & Mae’s date would be the vehicle that would take us on a journey into the intricacies and the impact on relationships with love lost, love feared, love desired and steady love all side by side.  Funny, this is how LOVE and relationships unfolds in real life.  The movie captured the everyday decisions, choices and challenges that that are made that can make or break love connections and the potential impact that it will have for generations to come. 

Suprisingly it offered up the tension and made you appreciate what ambitious women in the 20th Century had to contend with when presented with the option to go for your dreams or go for love. Just a generation ago it was a very hard choice, and be clear you had to choose.   Yet in the 21st Century the choice is no less difficult but now the option of BOTH is visible for Powerhouse Women. It will take a little bit of work,  a whole lot of faith and the willingness to be vulnerable yet you can have LOVE and a great LOVER to share it with.

The movie requires a lot from the audience. First you have to recalibrate your expectations of a love story, you need to identify the climax that is most powerful for you. As the movie provides a variety of Love Stages that the audience can either identify with or dismiss as interesting.  Depending on where one is in their own love journey they will either like or loathe the film.  It offers no answers yet it reveals what you believe is realistic, possible or even relevant when it comes to LOVE. 

What does a picture perfect LOVE look like for YOU?

If you are ready to have the LOVE you see for yourself then I invite you to check out LIT…just click here to learn more.

What Women Need Instead of a Husband...

Today according the US Census over 45.2% of all people in the United States are Single. The highest in the history of the nation and more and more people are choosing the single life. For those that do venture down the path of “I do” over 50% of those marriages are ending amicably or horribly in divorce, with almost 70% of all those divorces being filed by WOMEN. How can this be is what the engineer in me immediately asked. Then it dawned on me. For centuries marriage was touted to women as an insurance policy against homelessness, childlessness and starvation. A woman’s survival strategy was to find a MAN who would marry her and be able to protect her from harm, put a roof over her head, put food on the table and give her his last name so her children wouldn’t be bastards and shunned by society. Seemed like a good setup and it worked for centuries. In exchange for a man being a husband, the woman was to perform the duties of being a wife. She would cook, clean, care for the children, provide all of the emotional support for the family, obey him (marriage vows used to say this) and be expected to put the needs of the family ahead of her own. So the Housewife relationships model (HW Model) was born as I dubbed it. Husband’s had very clear duties and everything that didn’t involve fixing broken things, cars, and outside was the woman’s role.

This is NOT HELP

Fast forward to the 21st Century where both men and women are working outside of the home. Children have schedules that rival any adult and the laundry and feedings still need to happen. Many women still feel it’s her responsibility to handle all of the duties performed by traditional housewives on top of a 50-80hr work week, and are literally crumbling under the invisible workload. Many women start in with this exhausting narrative cause she is trying to live up to the definition of a “good wife” and her husband is often oblivious to the fact that the woman he loves dearly is literally ready to collapse due to exhaustion and the overwhelm of never feeling like she can keep up. Yet if he is paying the bills, fixing broke stuff and ensure the doors are locked he feels pretty good about his job as a husband. Yet it’s the limitation and expectations of husband and wife for that matter that could use updating. So instead of a husband in title only what she sincerely needs and desires is a partner. Husbands often see themselves as “helping” when they choose to wash dishes or perform duties that according to the housewife model are the wife’s duties. A partner understands that washing dishes that you ate off of, or vacuuming the carpet at your house isn’t help, it’s a part of maintaining a home. Husbands often see taking care of their children as babysitting. Partners understand that taking care of children that carry half of your DNA is another word for parenting. Husbands unbeknownst to them are often considered by their wives as burdens instead of reliefs. Wives ofter express having a husband is like having another child, this is not a compliment. Switching from the mindset of ‘helping” to “partnering” is the hallmark of the “Power Couple Model”. Husbands are trained “Happy Wife Happy Life” as if his happiness is irrelevant and he doesn’t actually know how to make her happy. Partners understand they are responsible for their own happiness and together they can create a Happy Home and a Happy Marriage. Vacuuming is a turn on to many women because there is something sexy about being supported instead of taken for granted. Also to be fair women also are invited to relax those ‘Leave it To Beaver’ home aesthetics expectations. Your home could be immaculate at all times if you hire help, otherwise don’t pressure yourself to keep up a perfect home and the expense of the peace in the house. Partnering could be the difference between a Happy Home or a home that is headed for a premature divorce. What good is being husband and wife in title only to be trapped in a relationship where one person feels like the help, is ready to escape or staying cause husbands know it’s cheaper to keep her?

Everybody’s definition of partnering may look differently so communication still rules- just ask!! What’s one thing that would make a husband a better partner? Let me know your thoughts in the comments!!!